I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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