I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
