is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
