I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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