You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
