So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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