Porn is love you can see.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
