It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
