please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
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