My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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