I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
