Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
