im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
