You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
