margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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