Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
