My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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