The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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