Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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