so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
