I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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