Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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