WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
