I can text with my tongue
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
