He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
