please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize