upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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