Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
