i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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