The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
