Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
