i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
