Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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