I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
