Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
