Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
