I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
