His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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