So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize