Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
