I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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