its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
