FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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