I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
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First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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