i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to