she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
