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my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
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