Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.