My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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