I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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