You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I believe in your delicious
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
