glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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