I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
