Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
