drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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