They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
