Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
