420 ftw
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Swine flu is the new snow day.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
