That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
