You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
