I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
