I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
