I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
