You're a womanizer and a bitch.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
