Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
