Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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