So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
