a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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