What did we do last night that was yellow?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
