You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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