Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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