if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
