he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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