i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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