So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
